Thursday, May 24, 2012

Return of the Belgian


                                                             Battle of Break Iron

 Eight Grimpeurs braved the sunny skies and mild temperatures to vie for the right to be called king of the mountain. The Grimp was honored with the return of both Legs and Trip. Legs has of late represented The Grimp in the Belgian Homeland and attended several of the monuments of cycling whilst tackling our sister mountains, The Ardeens. Apparently his training methods of taking on Belgian hills and cobbles, Belgian chocolates and Belgian beer was sound, as you shall soon bear witness.
Legs the Belgian was given the charge of the route and he choose monstrous Break Iron, with some cajoling from Mama. Fat Cat favored a return to a Pixler start but Legs and Mama insisted on Gunnar's starting line. They clearly feared remonstrations from across the interwebs.

 The climb up featured many lead changes and tactics. Mama Jumped first again and although her move did not hold, she took one minute off her time of only one week ago. Vanilla ice was the next to make a move with sandbag and Legs in hot pursuit. Ice pounded the pedals and really looked like he might have the winning stuff through the halfway point. However, the relentless chase of Sandbag and Legs was too much for him. It was at this point that Fat Cat came up to see what was happening. He tried to give Matty Ice a pace that would bring him back to the front. Alas, he had used himself up at the bottom. Fat Cat slowly crept up behind Sandbag and Legs. They must have thought they had the thing in the bag because they still possesed the powers of speech and were using them a little too liberally. Just as they wondered aloud where the polka-dot jersey was, Fat Cat startled them when he joined the conversation. In the final meters, Legs took a strong run but could not make it stick to the finish. Sandbag tried the same with similar results. Diesel, who had been doing a bit of his own lurking, Tried a very strong move from the shadows and nearly sprinted to victory. But, the impending loss of the jersey proved to be more than The Fat Cat could bear. He covered the move and took the finish.
Diesel came in a close second and Legs was able to step onto the third spot on the podium in his first outing of the spring. Sandbag took the fourth spot and Ice took fifth. Birdman took the prize of being most restrained in obeying the pre-tucker county road race edict to do a restful ride today. He crossed fifth, just ahead of Trip and then Mama..

From then on the Grimp went off on the customary Born Loop to Reedsville, Masontown and down Snake Hill to Cheat Lake, all the while regaled with tales of Belgian dandies and lederhosen. Just to add a little excitement, Birdman spaced out on the last curve at the bottom of the Snake. Gravity and inertia double teamed him and nearly shot him into the turnbuckle of an oncoming Buick.

Aside from the last minute theatrics of Big Daddy, it was a great ride with a great turnout of old and new Grimpeurs. Good luck to all those Grimpeurs competing in the tour of Tucker this weekend. You're gonna need it in a race that was voted one of the top ten hardest in the U.S.

Special points were awarded to Legs for representing in Belgium, although there were murmurs that the gift of an Eddy Mercyx, world champion, Molteni cycling cap presented to the Grand Pooh Bah of the Grimp by Legs may have greased the path. Bribery will get you everywhere. Birdman gets a couple of points as well for obeying his trainers advice. Mam gets one extra for pre-race flattery and a massive improvement in time. In honor of the return of the Belgian, any other requests for extra points will be entertained (refer back to the section on bribery if your argument lacks force).

Fat Cat: 37
Birdman: 25
Diesel: 24
Legs: 23
Sandbag: 10
Vanilla Ice: 10
Mountain: 10
The Pink Jersey: 6
Goldfish: 3
Trip: 2
Razor: 1
Highlander: 1

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