Battle of Champions

It was a veritable pantheon of polka-dots this Thursday. Six riders lined up at the bottom of Beulah, all of whom had worn the coveted red and white spots. It promised to be a battle royal.

Boyscout was there and could boast of never having lost the jersey on the course. Diesel had the honor of wearing the jersey for the "race", having regained it last week. Fixie, Fat Cat, Birdman and and Sandbag were there and champing at the bit to get back in stylish polka-dots against such a distinguished field.

Sandbag tried to pull a Fat Cat and pulled out alone early. The peleton harangued him with great zeal. Sandbag, ever senstive and polite, muted his attack. And so, the grimpeurs trudged up Beulah, only gently strung out.

At Summer School, Sandbag had the lead with Birdman right behind and Fat Cat a few lengths behind that. The Grimpeurs turned right and continued upward. Boyscout was overheating such that he was compelled to stop and shed some gear. Everyone was straining against the pedals and against their inner voices urging them to stop the madness.

Birdman got past Sandbag as Fat Cat watched from behind. Birdman had won the polka-dot jersey the last time it was contested on this course and he was determined to repeat. By the finish he was weaving from fatigue and oxygen deprivation. He had given his full measure, the only question over the last few yards was whether it was enough.

And at the finish it was...Birdman all alone. Sandbag crossed a few seconds later with Fat Cat a few seconds behind that. After a short time legends of the Grimp, Diesel, and then Boyscout rolled up to the Nicholson intersection. The Red Lantern crossed on Fixie's back with honor.

After all due pomp and circumstance was given (Sorry again for last week Diesel) the group shuffled on across Summer School to Kingwwod Pike where Don took the county line. The Grimpeurs zoomed into Reedsville and after a short jog on Rt. 7 turned left on little known but very scenic, Stones Lane/Dillons Creeek Road. From then on Fixie took charge and wouldn't let anyone take the easy way. The backside of Herring was tackled and then a gravel and dirt strewn Bull Run was knocked off. Despite the pipeline installation induced quagmire, no tires were sacrificed.

Fixie's next command decision was to avoid the fearsome Mt. Zion climb by choosing the even fiercer slopes of its not quite identical twin, Ridge Road. There was audible groaning at the thought of those initial 20 to 30 percent grades, let me assure you. The Grimpeurs were rewarded with gravel again for their efforts. From then there was one last hill to the intersection with Mayfield and then a scream down Snake and back home. It was a most excellent adventure.

See  you next week.

The Unhearalded Grimp

Apologies must be tendered. Poor Diesel must feel like Andy Shleck or Oscar Periero(sp).

Three Grimpeurs got back to racing on Thursday. Diesel, Birdman and Fat Cat started on Snake Hill and finished at Masontown. Fat Cat Rode in front the whole way but could not ride anyone off his wheel. In fact, there wasn't even any tell-tale wheezing or groaning from the rear guard. When the little peleton crested the last hill before the finishing straight, Diesel shot out from behind. Fat Cat and Birdman just sat there in his vapors. Fat Cat, remembering his near death experience in his last sprint win, said, "I ain't goin' after him." Birdman replied, "Me neither."  So, they soft pedal up his contrail and watched Diesel throttle his machine to the line.

Fat Cat congratulated Diesel and tossed him the polka dots. Diesel was glad to have them back after  missing them for so long. Then, for some unknown reason, the whole idea of the podium shot (silly as it may be) slipped the minds of the Grimpeurs. Without pomp and/or circumstance, they saddled up and moved on through Masontown towards McKinney cave road. So you see, Diesel won, but didn't get his due accolades at the finish. The above photo is a stock shot. In your mind's eye, just replace Sandbag with Fat Cat and erase the snow, if you please. Again, all apologies.

After the big return to grimp racing, Birdman set a blistering pace up 7 to McKinney Cave. From there it was an easy amble over to Born Road and then Kingwood Pike. At Summer School, just before a long descent, the cold rain finally started. Apparently Mother Nature and Old Man winter had a bit of a tiff and one or the other was feeling a bit vindictive. So, in an attempt to stave off the cold, Fat Cat took the Conn again and set quite the pace. In the end the overall average was just over 16mph from start to finish. We don't usually keep stats, but we did today. If you must know, it was a 14.77 mph average speed from the bottom of the Snake to Masontown.

In  other news: The first race for Team Grimpeur will be The Morgantown Road Race. That is only six weeks away. Anyone who wants to do it should start training. However, any grimpeur is welcome to join in regardless of fitness. You will have no trouble beating Fat Cat's 2009 av speed of 16.7 mph for a time of 30:30. We hope to improve on that. (You laugh, but  the slowest masters was 14.57mph) You may want to suck it up if you want to beat Birdman's av speed of 19.4mph and 2:35. Since Gunnar is an official Grimpeur, we should mention his average speed of 20.7. I guess he's the rabbit, now.

Getting Out With Just a Snag Here and There

Yes, the Grimp has gone on over the past couple of weeks despite the lack of report. The Thursday before last Diesel and Fat Cat were the only ones to make it out in the pouring rain. They headed up Snake and down Zion into a reverse Herring loop. (Sounds like some sorta snow boarding lingo, eh?) Diesel flatted out on his Zipp tubulars at the farthest point out. It must be said that he did an admirable job of stripping it off and putting on another skin out there in the cold rain. Having to get back down in time to get to work, the two were forced to time trial back home. Made it in one hour flat. Not too shabby. When they got back and stepped off the bikes, it felt like they had stepped into sloshing aquariums, such was the soaking that shoes and everything else received.
This Thursday featured the return of the prodigal son. Boyscout finally made it back to the Grimp after a long absence. All rejoiced in his iconic presence. Boyscout, Diesel, Birdman, and Fat Cat took advantage of a day without rain and the 40 degree temps and headed down over the outlaw bridge over Cheat Lake. From there it was a (mostly) amicable spin up Quarry Run to Cooper's Rocks. Boyscout did show who was boss a couple of times despite a "hernia" that was supposed to slow him down. Riiight. The Grimp rocketed down the other side on 73 and came back up through Pisgah. That climb is a tricky little so and so. It has continual false summits but seems to just keep going and going. The Grimp passed the site of the classic, if not controversial "Cross-Bikes" photos and remembered fallen comrades.

After gaining the real summit the Grimp zoomed back down past the trout pond where the Fat Cat sustained serious injury. He jumped out of a top tube tuck and snagged his sack (and I don't mean fanny pack) on the point of his Sella Italia. Needless to say, he walked his bike up the little steep gravel rise to the top of Quarry run. He recovered in time for the descent and all made it back safe and happy to have had another great day on two wheels.

Happy Goundhog Day! Looking forward to some of this:

A Great Surprise

And, the first Grimpeur of the Month for the new year is...(Fanfare should be sounding in your head.)...

We tried to let Fat Cat's triumph slip away unheralded but his fellow Grimpeurs would not allow it. A heartfelt thank you to Big Daddy Birdman for coming up with the trophy for this month; Well done!

Fat Cat may have won the month with neutral rides when he was off and superior equipment when he was on but his fellow Grimpeurs did not protest, at least not within earshot of the media. He greatly appreciates the opportunity to ride with some of the finest cyclists in West Virginia and to have a little friendly/ grandiosely delusional competition. It may not be the tour, but it just may be better.

Now on to official Grimpeur business. The imperious leader has deemed that there will be a winter and a summer season. Therefore, the current points series will end on the vernal equinox. Mark your calenders for Tuesday March 20th at 9:30. We will award the Grimpeur cup and thousands of spectators are anticipated. Negotiations with U2 as the event's entertainment are currently in progress. the only sticking point at present is whether or not Bono can wear the polka-dot jersey.

The Grand Imperial Pooh-Bah of Grimpeurs has noticed that The Grimpeurs are in need of a rest period. So, in order to have a spectacular end of the winter season flourish and a strong spring start, the next 2-4 weeks will consist of neutral "base mile" rides.  So come on out and enjoy the winter finery without punishing yourself for 30 minutes in between. (Remember, even on "race"days punishing yourself is always optional.)

Polka-Dots in the Mist

Four Grimpeurs made the Mud Pike double points ride in wet, misty conditions. Sandbag, Birdman and Diesel unloaded various incarnations of cross-bikes to tackle the testy mountain. Fat Cat, still recovering from a fun-loving little virus, pulled out all the stops (as one should) to defend the polka-dot jersey. He knew he couldn't match up in an even fight so he left the Colnago Cross on the roof and slipped his secret weapon out of the back seat. It was a desperate ploy, but Kean's time machine was the only hope.

The Cat upped the pace on the false flats and got a little separation. Alas, a Shimano man and SRAM shifters make for strange bedfellows. The r3 refused to disengage from the big ring. Despite the bike's insistence, the grades ahead precluded any big ring heroics from The Fat Cat. He stopped to fix the problem, allowing his fellow grimpeurs to catch up. Diesel passed and got a sizeble lead before The Cat got back in action. The other Grimpeurs stayed with the Cat until he got going.

Near the spring, Sandbag powered on past Diesel and up into the clouds. Soon after, Birdman caught up to Diesel and marked the season leader's pace. Fat Cat, despite skinny tires, was unhinged and dangling the red lantern. Through the doldrums, Birdman halfwheeled Diesel- just letting him know he was there and ready to pounce at the first sign of weakness. Fat Cat fought his usual urges to quit and kept a steady, threshold pace. Between the jersey on his back and the bike beneath him, he had little choice. There was only one point between he and Diesel for Grimpeur of the Month honors and Diesel was not in a giving mood. The gap between third and forth slowly closed by the time the Grimp hit the two thirds mark. Fat Cat finally fought his way back onto the tail. Thus, three Grimpeurs were all back together and Sandbag was still off in the mist.

As soon as the others were aware of polka-dots lurking, the Fat Cat knifed between them and crested first near the pull off. He plunged into the one and only short descent and up into the Three Bears with the others hot on his tail. At the top of Baby Bear, the battle for second glimpsed Sandbag through a break in the clouds. He was nearer than they thought but too far away to catch. Then, like a ghost he vanished back into the ether.

Coming into the final ass-kicker, Birdman accelerated to close the gap carved out by the polka-dot jersey. Fat Cat heard him coming and gave it all he had, which wasn't much more. Birdman edged up to the Cat's front wheel. During the last 20+ percent grade, The Fat Cat's chest was on the handlebars and he was abusing his bike. The combatants for second were even as the grade became humane. Fat Cat gasped out an offer and Big Daddy accepted a temporary truce. The two slowed and caught their breath before crossing the line. Birdman was feeling generous and did not contest Fat Cat's anemic surge to the finish. Diesel, the last winner on Mud Pike, brought up the Lantern with honor.

Congratulations to Kean's bikes. The Motobecane took first and the day's Jersey. The Cervelo pulled an overmatched rider into second and secured him the GC win for the month.

A big congratulations to Sandbag for his first turn in the Polka-dot Jersey. After consistent podium finishes he finally climbed the final step on the big stage of Mud Pike.


After the day's festivities, the Grimp continued on across Skyline in an envelope of white. The group fell off the east side of the ridge at rt 40 and down along Big Sandy on Wharton Furnace Road. Down and down they went and finally bottomed out at the base of Kirby Climb. Cranks turned slowly and at something less than race pace for the three miles or so of unrelenting grade back up to Skyline. From there it was a surprisingly comfortable plunge back down Mud Pike and into Haydentown.

In the overall Diesel continues his stranglehold on first although the rest of the day's Grimpeurs edged a little bit closer.
1) Diesel- 99
2) Fat Cat- 86
3) Birdman- 64
4) legs- 56
5) Boyscout- 47
6) Sandbag- 53
7)Mama- 45
8) Tallboy- 18
9) Fixie- 14
9) Trip- 14
11) Razor- 9
12) Highlander- 6
13 Knickers- 5
13) Chunks- 5

The Sick and the Silly

Three Grimpeurs made it out of this morning.  Fatcat was feeling under the weather but showed up anyway with his bike on top of his car in case anyone else was silly enough to make it out in the cold and snow. Of course, Birdman and Diesel rolled on in. Fatcat took himself and his sickness out of the decision-making and handed the gavel over to his fellow grimpeurs. Always merciful, they decided on a neutral ride.

The ride went up Snake Hill with a finish line in Masontown. Maybe there were some second thoughts on the podium. After a little bit of Benny Hill fighting, they divided up the points evenly, three each . After the silliness on top of the hill, the three decided to take the rail trail down and avoid any frost bite.

Don't forget, next week is the big Mud Pike double points Grimp.

The "I Can't Make It" Grimp.

Diesel said he might not make it to the last Grimp of the year. So did Birdman. Fat Cat said several times, in writing, that he could not get out. Yet somehow, the thrill of the hill was too much for them to resist.

A tiny window opened up for Flanders just at departure time. He scrambled onto the still decorated blue Cervelo and called, "I'm coming!" through the ethereal bands. The other Grimpeurs left The Botanical Gardens and met him at Snake Hill. So, there they were in the icy cold at the bottom of The Snake: The current Grimpeur of the Month, the prior Grimpeur of the month...and Fat Cat.

The "race" was to Mayfield again. The pace up to the Wildlife Management sign was laid back. Heavy breathing and grunts were replaced with full sentences. Birdman and Fat Cat rode side by side with Diesel lurking on the wheels. The Fat Cat soft pedaled when the pace upped a bit. Birdman matched him while Diesel was kept in his box. All through the course, opportunities to make a break, to dole out some pain, were let pass. Who would jump first?

Finally, on the last rise, with the finish in sight, Diesel could take it no longer. He shot out from behind and the others took up the chase for an all out uphill sprint. The tiny pelton rotated and somehow The Fat Cat got boxed in behind Diesel on the right who was fighting it out with Birdman. Not being able to push through the right side due to ice, The Fat Cat had to go back around to the left. Diesel was punishing his bike but it looked like Birdman might make it. Fat Cat desperately wanted to quit and watch, like always, but he let the pain flow.

Birdman sat up 20 or 30 yards before the finish. He would later say that he was content to cross together and that he just didn't want to hurt that bad this time of year. All noble and intelligent thoughts.

Fat Cat and Diesel knew nothing of nobility nor intelligence. They had become mindless brutes. Diesel was giving no quarter and had the line in his sights. Fat Cat issued sad and painful whines with each stroke. Miraculously, he slowly drew alongside Diesel ( I use slowly as a relative term. It seemed like an eternity down there in the pain cave but mere seconds actually passed.) At the line ( which is always amorphous and in dispute) it was a photo finish. Although arguable, the judges had the Fat Cat of Flanders back in pokka-dots by the width of a tire.

As a consolation prize, the runner up felt "pretty good" in the post race while Flanders was unable to lift his leg to dismount. His head throbbed on the handle bars and he breathed ominously. He finally got to the ground and lay in the snow, writhed about a bit, and then eventually made a snow angel to comfort the onlookers. (Lest you think this all hyperbole, Birdman later called Fat Cat at home to make sure he was okay.)

 Back at the bottom of the hill, Fat Cat, cold, tired and with things to do, took his three points plus one for the weather and went home. Diesel and Birdman rode over and knocked off the Beulah climb before they made their own ways home.

Here are the overall standings. The Jingle Grimp participants last week all got winners points which were five. Diesel still holds a commanding 17 point lead, but it has been ever so slightly chipped away the last couple of weeks. Legs is still only 4 points off the podium and still in it if only he could overcome his aversion to the cold. Mama has steadily moved up and is only 2 points away from former jersey holder, Boyscout.
1) Diesel- 97
2) Fat Cat- 80
3) Birdman- 60
4) legs- 56
5) Boyscout- 47
6) Mama- 45
7) Sandbag- 45
8) Tallboy- 18
9) Fixie- 14
9) Trip- 14
11) Razor- 9
12) Highlander- 6
13 Knickers- 5
13) Chunks- 5

Happy New Year from The Grimp and happy riding in 2012!