Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Filler In Absentia

The Fat Cat was not able to make the Grimpeurs Tuesday, but the show went on without him. No report has been filed as yet but at last word it was to be Charlie, the butt of all jokes Kean; Dave, from Fairchance, and anyone else who might show on election day. I e-mailed Charlie, requesting that he give an account of the day’s events, but have had no reply as yet. I don’t think he is dodging the chore. His lack of response is more likely due to the fact that he operates a computer that came straight from Jobs' and Wozniak’s garage. According to Charlie, this ancient cipherin’ machine has issues with Al Gore’s internet.

I imagine it was a spirited fight for the vacated polka dot jersey. I can see both riders on the lead in, exchanging the traditional pre-excuses/lies about how they haven’t been able to ride much this year due to some phantom obligation or conjured injury. Just as they approached Scylla and her imposing wall, one would joke about the legs already hurting while the other would suggest they turn back with a half smile and a nervous titter. They would converse in short breathless sentences, trying to look as though they were feeling fine. By the time they reached the hairpin and scaled Charybdis, words would likely have been replaced by heaves and grunts. I can imagine one or both riders, if they were still together, “resting” along the doldrums and recovering the powers of speech. Internal dialogs filled with doubt and thoughts of abandon would have been discordant with those given voice with regard to the fine weather or the great play of the Pittsburgh Penquins.

The riders would have found themselves cursing, wondering how long the damn grade could keep up, as they pedaled Le Elever Orange. Baby Bear would feel easy after the little descent from the pull off. Charlie probably would have given a testing acceleration over its “crest”: how foolish. Mamma bear would have put the burn back in the quads of the riders who no longer bothered to engage in conversational warfare. I can hear the audible if not ear-piercing profanities issued when the forgotten Papa Bear showed its teeth. In my minds eye I see the cranks of lithe Dave turning a fraction of a revolution faster while he inexorably pulls away from a gasping and demoralized Charlie. What would you expect from a triathelete anyway? At least Kean wasn’t there to try and use his (Charlie's) helmet as a latrine this time.


E T Williams 2 said...

Where in the Wide Wide World of Sports did you come up w/ these hill names? Im not sure Im entirely onboard w/ them. BTW, there no hills here in Philly to grimp!

bluecolnago said...

i took the comment regarding the "fine play of the penguins" as a dig.... ouch. ouch!

i suspect that what you see in your mind's eye is close to how it really happened out there....

is your blog open to political comment? if so i have to ask.... is it true that hillary won the w. va. primary?

if not, i apologize for mentioning it.

Craig, The Flanders Fat Cat said...

Bluecolnago: As you recall from the NYC Bicycle Bastardizer episode, no posts are barred. Indeed, ClinTon the estrous did win WV big time. You can imagine why. If you are imagination impaired, let me illustrate. In my hometown, just across the WV border in PA, there was an honest to God KKK rally. I think it was is the late 80’s. It’s better now, but I’m sure some of that stuff lingers. Of course, Hillary had to overcome sentiments such as those expressed on national TV by one deep WV resident: “ I can’t vote for her because she would be usurpin’ me. The bible says that a woman can’t be over a man.” My wife was shocked and embarrassed for our state. I have to say, though, WV is a great place to live; especially if you ride bikes. Jump on that plane and come down some time.

ET Williams2: What names don’t you get? It makes it easier for me to write about the climbs. “Le Elever Orange” loosely means the orange climb, named so because of that orange game land sign that signals you are almost to the pulloff. Got any better names?

E T Williams 2 said...

eyShocked and embarrassed? This sounds like something Hussanin O bamas wife said.....Hell, this (WVA) is a state that thinks Byrd aka KKK Byrd is still the bees knees! Yea, he can build a nice exit to the FBI center but still....he belongs to the fuckin' KKK, egads!
Anyways...Hill names..... in a nice liberal fashion.... the "its not your fault you cant climb this hill so good" and " lets level out the playing field hill" those are nice fair play lib hill names. Maybe Im soiled from dealing w/ these heavy hitter union construction guy types this past week but hell, they get the job done.