Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Her Cup Runneth Over

The Fat Cat forsook Mud Pike and her high risin’ pals Tuesday and did some work closer to home. But enough of that: a recounting of such small matters will not do today. There were big doin’s this weekend to talk about.

An overall Grimpeur champion was crowned at a huge Saturday night gala this week. Oooooh, the breathless anticipation, the tingling of spines and the erect hairs on the napes of necks. The electricity in the air of the great hall was palpable. All the dignitaries; Legs, Birdman, MonkeyButt, Analgesus, etc., were there in black tie and tails.

After painstaking calculations over the arcane and ancient Grimpeur king of the mountain point system, it was determined that this year’s winner, in the female division, was—La Femme Grimpeur! Thunderous applause nearly drowned out the torrent of joyful sobs accompanying such a prestigious major award. The orchestra sang out “Chariots of Fire.” Corks popped and glasses clanked neath a shower of confetti blanketing head and shoulders in red and white polka dots. Wow! You just had to be there.

Well, actually…the “great hall” was a table at Black Bear restaurant. The corks were really bottle caps and the confetti was only left over helmet head dandruff. Black ties and tails were really black t-shirts and tie-dye. No one sobbed and the gathering was really a send off for La Femme Grimpeur, who has completed her thesis work and is leaving for Utah. The Fat Cat just glommed on with the whole award thing. But, other than that, it was all exactly as written.

Oh— the orchestra was really one guy with a guitar. He played Beatles and ELP tunes at barely audible levels. The old codger was oblivious to Her Eminence and her courtesans, as well as just about everyone else in the place. He didn’t know “Chariots of Fire.” But everything else I told you was spot on.

Well… I guess the calculations weren’t all that complex. The winner was pretty clear. In truth, La Femme Grimpeur was the only female to have taken up the sword to do battle with the beast. ( Doesn’t that make the accomplishment all the more grand? Of a whole gender, only she was up to the challenge. You wouldn’t accuse me of melodrama and hyperbole if I said that, would you?

But! There really was a trophy. It really did say, “2008 Grimpeur Champion: Female Division.”( It would have said more but engraving was 3 bucks a word.) And, La Femme Grimpeur was happy to receive her trophy. Of these things, I can assure you. If you have read any of my past ride reports, you can surely see that I am not prone to exaggeration or fabrication, can’t you?

Good luck, La Femme Grimpeur, with your new orthomolecularphytowhoziwhatzit degree. Enjoy Utah. I hear they have some pretty good hills out there. You are expected to uphold the Grimpeur faith and promote the order— a missionary in a land of missionaries. Be warned, the Fat Cat has people out there. A group of Grimps might just drop in someday and expect you to lead a ride.
(Open comments are back. It would be better if you used the "name" selection rather than anonymous. Only foul types use anonymous.)


Liz said...

Finally a little estrogen.

talks with legs said...

Hannah was sooooo HAPPY at
award receiving,expecting,and living.....was a fun send-off !

bluecolnago said...

exageration and hyperbole? surely not on this site!

i logged on about a hundred and thirty one times last night to get the tuesday ride report and still had to wait until wednesday to get it. it was definitely worth waiting for. hearty congratulations to le femme grimpeur! good luck in the baren wastes of utah! (kidding. utah is great)

bluecolnago said...

la femme? le femme? oops. i must've had the gender wrong. my sincere apologies.

Craig, The Flanders Fat Cat said...

Am I missing something? If your apologies are to me, let it be known that any ambiguities you may have seen in any of the photos are simply man-boobs and not the real thing.

But...maybe you mean the photo. Her boyfriend is looking at the trophy. The woman in the photo is the recipient. Any play on foreign articles of gender would be far beyond my talents.

Craig, The Flanders Fat Cat said...

Oh, your first post came in after your second post in my mailbox. I see now.

bluecolnago said...

i forgot melodrama and fabrications.... i'm pretty sure neither of those occur here either. ever.

if i wanted "dry as a popcorn fart" news i'd go to msnbc or something. i come here because i know that what i'm reading is the truth. the absolute truth without embellishment or bs. news i can trust. why would anyone go anyplace else for the news of the day? seriously.

it sounds like you guys (and gal) had a great time. good on ya!